all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
