saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
