Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
