So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
