so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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