dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
