Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
