the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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