just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
