Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
