If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That accounts for only three of the penises
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
