we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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