i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
