I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
