I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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