There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
