is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize