I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
