Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
