you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
