just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize