How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize