I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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