I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
