mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
