Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
