this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
