after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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