I hope mine doesn't look like that
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
