he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she told me i tasted like america
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize