So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
