So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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