Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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