I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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