oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
