i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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