Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
