Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
