im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize