Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
