Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
