why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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