can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
