i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
