I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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