Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
