drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
