Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize