i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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