guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
