Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
