Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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