Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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