I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
