I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
