A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was so not down for the gang bang
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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