i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
