Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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