I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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