I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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