so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
