So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
