so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
