Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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