The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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