yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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