Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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