Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
