Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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