wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize