first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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