nut hugger
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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