What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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