i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
