Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
