I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
