This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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