dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
