I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
