Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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