I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
