just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
