I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
