I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
