It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
