Yo dont text me then not text me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
