I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize