you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
