never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
