I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
