You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
