Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
