So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
