I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
