Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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