No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
