don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
